Introduction
Most members appreciate and understand the tremendous effort and dedication of the Curriculum Committee. What is not known, however, is that their high set of standards and schedule restrictions mean some courses inevitably fall by the wayside. In the spirit of transparency, then, here are some of the courses that met their premature death.
The Development of Zoom Fashion
A look at the history and creative direction of apparel worn at LLI Zoom presentations. Trace significant milestones like the tops-only movement, creative pajama styles, wardrobe malfunctions, and body piercings. Study the repurposing of old blankets, covering food stains, and how interior pockets can be used to hide snacks or refreshments. Learn how to select clothing and jewelry to match Zoom backgrounds, use historic clothing to match class content, and the best disguises for those in the witness protection program. Course concludes with live coverage of Miss Zoom Pageant, held at the former site of Trump Tower.
Introduction to Polar Bear Swimming
This four-week off-campus course covers swimming style development, bodybuilding, diet, and psychological effects necessary to compete in New Year’s Polar Bear events successfully. Guest speakers include president of the American Sado-Masochist Institute, past winner Joey “Walrus” Evans, and Coast Guard helicopter rescue pilots. Final class is swim from Orchard Beach in the Bronx to the Greenwich Yacht club, where winners will recount their adventures at a black-tie banquet.
AARP-Approved Zoom Technology Skills
With the increasing number of Zoom-based classes, the understanding of essential computer skills are now, more than ever, necessary for full course enjoyment. Beginning with different methods of plugging in and turning on computers, removing Bloody Mary stains from the keyboard, and ensuring select photos are not displayed during screen sharing, a checklist of procedures make every Zoom class more enjoyable. Learn how to yell discreetly at barking dogs, deliver hidden messages to intrusive houseguests, and choose the less embarrassing phone ringtones.
Paint by Number
For aspiring artists, this venerable technique is a stepping stone to pastels, watercolors, and acrylic. Learn how to match the number with the lines to the correct palette. For the more creative-minded, explore the joy of coloring outside the preprinted lines or choosing colors not labeled in the instructions. A slide show will reveal how Rembrandt, Vermeer, and Picasso transferred their paint by number skills to the classics we enjoy in museums. The course also covers the historic Sotheby auction where a $2.9M painting was discovered to have a paint by number underlayer.
Building and Enjoying Your Own Distillery
Tired of celebrity wine tastings, building expensive wine cellars, buying $1,600 bottles of 18-Year-Old Suntory single malt whisky? Curious about ancient Greeks, who ascribed sacred powers to the flammable and intoxicating liquids? The answer is simple: Build your own low-cost distillery. Learn from decades of experience pioneered by Appalachian farmers, using inexpensive ingredients and basic low-cost equipment. Learn how to circumvent inconvenient legal issues in order to generate a much-needed retirement income. Visit a hidden, back road distillery where “Rhinebeck Ripple” is produced and where profits support LLI scholarships.
In Conclusion
Do you have an idea for an LLI course? Think about it. Ponder the potential effect you will have on the mental health of your fellow members. How much material will you have to plagiarize to successfully present? And finally, consider the embarrassing details about you and your family that will ultimately be revealed.
